differences, tensions and conflict avoidance

I haven't really done one of these for a while and I'm not sure I really know what to write. I guess it's easier to be as vague as possible. That's not because I don't want to pierce beyond the superficial. It's mainly because I'm not really sure how much to disclose when I have no idea who reads this thing.

I think I'm pretty upset at the moment. I've hit that part in my job where politics and differences in personal philosophies mean that there are tensions that just rub too hard against each other. I can't really say I know what to do with it. This weekend was the first time I've wanted to throw my job in since I started. That, in no way means I will. I wouldn't be doing my job very well if I didn't want to throw it in sometimes. It has the potential to break ya sometimes I think. That doesn't mean it's all bad.

Truth is, I love the kids I work with. It's funny how differently grown adults can come to a situation and see different things. I have a heart for the community kids. Those are the kids I see with the most potential. Others see those kids as having the most potential to ruin everything. The very kid who most would say was on the fringes is actually the one with the pleases and thankyous. He's the kid who opens doors for his peers and walks little old ladies across the road. People would know that if they spent enough time with him.

I really want a stronger backbone but I think I'd become completely desensitised if I did. I wouldn't cry for the failing kid if I had too strong a backbone. Somehow I have to fight these politics though. I guess on behalf of those misunderstood kids, yeah I do.

I dunno... tired... I love my job though. It just upsets me sometimes...